Chapter Two: The Dance

Part 1: Online Dating – Not!

Nothing will change the fact that all of the women on dating sites are what you might call “hard to place”… as in the adoption term for older children of questionable backgrounds with bad habits and other undesirable traits. The women on these sites are desperately trying to deny that they are either dateless losers or being passed around as a whore because nobody wants to keep them. It’s all an act. They are trying to appear as if they aren’t the type of girl who has to be on a dating site because they don’t attract a man in their day-to-day lives. And they are desperately trying to deny the type of man who does approach her on the site.

Oddly enough, this doesn’t hold true for the men. There is a much broader cross-section of all types of men. But they get one whiff of the freak-show and go, “No thanks!” Either that or they are ‘slumming’ for easy sex with women who can’t be too picky.

Remember that whenever you are dealing with a chick from a dating site. Perhaps it would be best to not look for women there. They are of low quality. They know they are of low quality but are doing everything they can to deny it. And, they assume that since you are approaching them, you must be of low quality also (aaaaahhh, gotta love that social proofing ).

You’ll have much better luck at the mall, if you know what you are looking for..

Women on Online Personals Ads are Just Wasting Your Time

Almost all of the women on online personals are only there to waste your time and they have no intention of meeting anyone. If a woman isn’t interested in meeting you for coffee, sooner, rather than later, it means one of two things: She is either only interested in wasting men’s time and not going to be meeting anyone, no matter what…..or, she has decided that you aren’t worth meeting, although she will happily string you along. In neither of these cases should you waste more than a smidgen of your valuable time. Online dating is a good deal for women but a lousy deal for men because of the simple fact that most men doing it are serious and most women doing it are not. The goal here should be to quickly screen out the potentials from everyone else, not to waste hours and hours with women who have no intention of doing anything ever with you or anyone else. The potentials want to write a few emails back and forth and then meet you….not on a date, but in a casual, relaxed atmosphere they can leave easily. And most of those will never see you again after that. You’ll have to approach a hell of alot of women to get one bite. Either that or find a way to get the high probability women to answer your own ad. That’s tough to do because most of the idiot men email every woman on the system, filling her mailbox with a hundred emails a day (mostly losers).

That’s the big problem with online personals. Just like going to the nightclub, the women there have too many options and too many men trying to get their attention. Their goal isn’t the same as your goal. Your goal is to meet someone. Their goal is to have their worth validated. Their goal is met right away so why should they do anything more? A fraction of them have the same goal as you. But the ratio of men to available women who want to meet them is like 100 to a 1000 to one. Of course, that one is screwing a dozen or so men a month. You see this very clearly in a lot of their profiles….saying something to the effect of, oh, I’m just here because I am curious, but if I happen to meet someone who is a cross between Bill Gates and Fabio, I might go on a date with them if I feel like it. It’s a bad scene for a man.

Identifying Women Who Are Wasting Your Time

Pushy is the difference between a desperate used car salesman and one who is trying to identify high probability sales. The first goes after everybody, cares nothing about their wants and needs and tries to coerce the person into buying something that isn’t in their best interest. The high probability guy is doing the opposite. First, he’s highly selective in who he approaches, only going towards people that seem to be looking for a salesman on the floor. Then, he tries to discover what she wants and needs to see if he has that available. However, if the potential customer doesn’t cooperate with his behaviors designed to establish the fact that he is trustworthy and his behaviors to try an find out what she wants and needs or worse, he finds out she won’t buy from him, even if he identifies something perfect for her, he walks away from the sale, because there is no point and the whole thing is just a waste of both of their time.

Most women are just wasting your time. Even if you are perfect for them, THEY NEVER HAD ANY INTENTION OF MEETING YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE. How do you know? They resist your attempts to establish trust. They are vague and elusive when you try to find out if you are a good match for them. They waste your time incessantly even after it becomes clear they don’t want you. But most of all, after you have established trust and found out you are what they want and need, they won’t meet you in person (arrrrgh). When you try to convince them that they should meet you, they react the same way as if you were trying to pressure them into meeting you when they aren’t attracted to you at all. They call you pushy. If you try to get them to contact you without establishing trust and/or they aren’t attracted to you, then you actually are pushy. However, most men don’t do this. What’s going on is they have established trust and identified themselves as a good match. The problem is the woman just isn’t really looking at all. Calling you pushy in this case is a manipulative attempt to deny responsibility for her own behavior. The only way to handle both of these situations is to just walk away.

There’s No Point in Approaching A Woman Who Doesn’t Look at You and Go “Yum!”

There is absolutely no point in approaching any woman who doesn’t look at you physically and go…yum. So, your picture should be upfront, probably several, showing you in great detail, as a screening device to get rid of women you have no chance with. Even that isn’t good enough because the picture is a poor representation of you in person and can’t convey body language, speech, smell, mannerisms, whatever (one of the reasons I think online personals are a waste of time). Somewhere between 1 and 10% of women will look at you and go yum. However, very few of them will be open to you for one reason or another, mostly for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with you.

The number one reason a woman might not be open is because women choose men the way that bulimics choose food……they binge. A bulimic will deny her normal urge to eat and starve herself for long periods of time and then lose control and gorge herself on food that is bad for her, then shame herself afterward. As the disease progresses, the shame becomes addicting and she engages in this behavior for masochistic reasons, to feel the shame (ick). Women look at you and go, yum, but (unless you are very good at enticing them) they will deny their normal need for sex, love, companionship and intimacy, because they are holding out for Fabio. Of course the average woman never meets Fabio or Donald Trump or James Bond or whatever her wacko fantasy of perfect is, and after awhile her unmet needs overwhelm her. Then she grabs just anybody, usually the scum of the earth because they are easy to get. She feels shame afterward. BUT, she becomes addicted to the shame (identifies herself as being a bad person) and seeks out that type of partner more and more. You absolutely don’t want one of these freaks in the advanced stages of the illness.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to learn ways to know which women are looking at you and going yum, focus exclusively on those women, with the main goal of finding out if they are currently restricting themselves or not. THAT behavior is the one that pays dividends with women. That and learning how to entice women. Trying to approach and convince women to like you is COMPLETELY ineffective, except for the rare case where a guy gets a live one, by pure luck.

Or you could do it the hard and painful way and approach two or three hundred women at random and see who bites.

Online Dating is a Scam

How much more evidence do you need to gather before you realize that the women on dating services are doing something other than looking for a man. What sort of behavior would you expect from women who were using the service to actually find a man? They would have pictures taken specifically to show them in the best possible light (cheap and easy to do in most places). They would write a well thought out, articulate profile, mind their P’s and Q’s, and try to both present themselves and what they want in such a way that they find someone who is a good match. They would, ummmm, actually look at men’s profiles and email men they were interested in. And they would spend a significant amount of time chatting via IM, leaving it open only during times they have specifically put aside for this purpose. They would be polite, and interested in getting to know people to see if they were a good match and if it would be fruitful to meet with them in person.

Now, do women on the dating service do ANY of those things? Absolutely not. They do the opposite…..crappy pic of them and their ex with his head rubbed/cut out (sometimes, obviously drunk), profile looks like it was written by a 3rd grader who barely speaks English, with red flags all over the place, tons of rude, bitter, negative statements, sometimes openly stating they hate men or intend to exploit you, reveal little to nothing about what they are like as a person (sometimes because there is nothing there or something is there that nobody wants), rarely looks at men’s profiles and NEVER responds to them no matter how good looking, alpha-male, rich, great personality, sexy, whatever, the man is, actively rude or time wasting on IM, pretends to bond with you and then, later, pretends has no idea who you are or what you agreed to do together earlier.

What this means, quite simply, is they aren’t looking for a man (so, it’s a waste of time to use this method to find a woman). At best, they are looking to have their egos stroked by saying no to all the men who seem to be interested in them (actually, these men have no interest in them and are just trolling the entire female database, for the one chick about to binge) and then will have an anonymous sexual encounter with some random loser, when they have been too long without love, sex or intimacy (ie they binge). At worst, these psychos are looking to actively harm someone, any way they can, as long as it is safe for them.

What’s going on with the online dating thing is women are wasting time and men are emailing hundreds of women, trolling for anonymous encounters with sluts.

Social Proofing

I keep saying it, but nobody really believes me (until they experience it for themselves). Women ignore objective signs of worth and status and instead make decisions on attraction mostly at random. Signs of worth… tall, looks, money, muscles, status, don’t change greatly who is attracted to you. I’m undecided if fame actually does make more women attracted or if it simply makes the women who like you anyway, hunt you down in an obsessive way. What it does affect is their aggressiveness. Don’t build muscles and a hot body in the gym (ditto for making cash, wearing cool clothes etc.) thinking it will get you a certain type of girl (or worse, a specific girl) because it won’t (much to my dismay). You do it because it affects your own confidence  and it makes the women (the same exact women who were already attracted to you), more attracted. More of them reveal themselves to you, and they make it easier for you to get them.

Also, and this is important, because women make these decisions at random, they often have difficulty judging their looks, status, whatever, compared to yours. What matters is social proofing. No matter how ugly you look, if you date a lot of women, good looking women will find you attractive. This also works in reverse. On the dating websites, all the girls on them are what you would call “hard to place”. They rarely get dates, which is why they are online. Since you are also online, they assume you are the same way. It doesn’t matter if you have all these signs of being much higher status than her. All she looks at is the social proof that you are also an online loser, like her. If you go, “Pffft, lady, I’m out of your league,” they will freak. If anything, they assume your status is much lower than hers.

I think this is one of the biggest reasons to avoid online dating. All the girls are the dregs, who think you are beneath them, no matter what. It’s a lose/lose situation.

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