Chapter Two: The Dance

Part 5: Be a Lover, Not a Provider (Dates, Gifts)

I’m sorry to have to tell you this but things aren’t the way they should be. ALL women are flakes. And ALL women have sex with men right away (even the extremely religious and prudish ones). A woman SHOULD spend time getting to know you and evaluating your decency as a person……but they don’t. NONE of them do. Instead, they decide within a few seconds if they will sleep with you or not. If they decide no, you have zero chance with them but they will pretend like you do if you are aggressive enough or if you start giving them things. This always turns out badly. Even if they decide yes, they will make you wait if you start giving them stuff or if you act too interested (they want to see if you will give them stuff). If you hook up with them but don’t seem that interested, then they will go after you. Most don’t want to look like a slut and so will only do sexual things if you give them some form of rationalization. For example: We are going back to my place to watch a movie, not to have sex. The really insane ones act sexual and don’t care if they are sluts out in the open. Usually they are substance abusers/high risk sexual partners. So look out!

Your best bet as a man is to immediately try to sexualize any relationship. If a woman doesn’t cooperate, immediately dump her. The reason is simple. She either has decided no, and you will NEVER have a chance with her, so what is the point? Or, she has decided to exploit you first. And that sets a bad precedent. If a woman sees you as a provider, she will make you wait. If she sees you as a lover, she won’t. Normally, this should not be a problem. But women don’t respect providers. They abuse them and then dispose of them.

Be a lover, not a provider.

Dates

Dates, where you expend time, money, effort, whatever, are only for someone you’ve been with awhile and are already fucking (as in plural). You call both these situations “dates” but they aren’t even close to being the same thing. The first case, you are setting up a situation for one or more of three things. You are being evaluated. Right away, this sends the exact wrong message, that you need to be good enough, somehow to be with a particular woman (to say that is a lie, is a dramatic understatement on many different levels). Second, it opens the door wide for exploitation. Who seeks out situations where they get to exploit people? Women like this. In other words, if she is seeking to get set up on dates, she is probably looking for someone to exploit and that means she has a whole bunch of other negative traits (like the ones yous saw, hehe). The last thing she is looking for is the hook up. Totally neurotic, restrictive, arrogant and contemptuous, 95% of the time, she “binges” the other 5% of the time. She looks to have sex with anybody (don’t be surprised if you find out she went out after your date, picked up some drunk at a bar and had sex in his car, without even finding out his name) with no intimacy and often under fucked up circumstances. That’s how she ended up with her charming tattoo and probably other fun stuff (like herpes). If you went out with her a dozen times, she would care about you no more than navel lint.

The second type of “date” is totally different. Doing it only with someone you are intimate with, it has the goal of doing something fun, to become even more intimate. Afterward, you are probably going home to have sex and be together.

Just say no to the first type of “date”. Someone want to hook you up on a blind date? Say no. Tell them to have that person come along a few times when you are hanging out with that mutual friend, preferably for a relaxing evening at home.

Who Pays?

Who pays? The real issue here is not who pays. It’s the lack of love, dignity and respect for you on the part of American women. That’s what causes the resentment. The issue of who pays is determined by custom and the status of the woman you are with and your relationship with them. A high status woman whom you have a causal relationship with pays her own way in our culture. The bigger the difference in status and wealth between you, the more likely it is that you should pay. The more formal the relationship, the more likely you should pay.

The reason you should pay is rooted in old traditions and has to do with who you are in relation to your woman. If you are equals, she pays. If you are a patron and she is a peasant, you pay. Most people in the US are of the same socioeconomic class (even if there is a large difference in salaries). For man to pay, he is acting macho… like he is the patron and she is the peasant. This is a normal thing for men to act dominant with women. It’s part of the complicated mating dance that humans do… you assert your role as protector, provider, and Lord of the Manor. And that role has rights and responsibilities. Paying is one of them.

But there is a huge ass problem. The problem is women in this country aren’t interested in a legitimate relationship with you and have no real feeling toward you. What they do is use the custom as a way to exploit men for money and goods. They go a lot farther with it as a means to actually exchange sex and intimacy for money… that’s prostitution… and the women who engage in it, in all cultures, are rightly at the very bottom of social classes… because it’s deviant.

So, who should pay? My answer is you should dodge the question entirely. Never go anyplace that costs money. Go places like walks and picnics and parks. Jokingly tell her that you expect for her to pay. Dump any woman that constantly sniffs around for gifts or expects you to take her to expensive places.

There is also a third issue here. Women look at a man one of two ways… as a lover or as a provider. They make men who are providers wait for sex. You don’t want to be seen as a provider. Instead, you should focus on women that have decided to have sex with you right away and focus on having fun and being intimate with you. Later on, if you want to be serious with them, you can shift your role to one of provider. But if you allow them to look on you as a provider you can’t change into a lover later on. This is extremely important to understand, because you only get the one chance in the beginning to establish what you are to her. However, in other countries where the contempt and exploitation of men isn’t present, you could probably safely be the provider with the right woman. But my instinct says you should still present yourself as a lover instead, until you have a mature, steady, sexual relationship for quite some time.

Gifts

Gifts… are important if you are in a relationship. The rule here is, except for flowers, no gifts except on the big three… your anniversary, her birthday and Christmas. A man has to strike a fine line between getting a good gift and “paying for performance”. They need to be moderately expensive (from $50 to a couple hundred or more depending on how rich you are) but can never be richly expensive (ie, no matter how rich you are, $500 is a bad idea). More than that though, they need to be symbolic. By that, they must represent care and thought put into them. You lose points for asking what she wants and gain points at playing the game: you hint at what you like and I’ll take notes. When I was in relationships, and even occasionally now, I rely on certain categories of gifts that tend to be winners. Top of the list is jewelry. Not expensive jewelry, but cool jewelry (NO RINGS>>>>>NO EXCEPTIONS!!!!!!!!) This requires window shopping with her (Hey, look at the cool jewelry over there… maybe if you are a good girl, I’ll get you that for your birthday next month, haha). Other winners are accessories (handbags, wallets, scarves) carefully chosen to match her style and look good. Clothes and shoes are a double edged sword. Never buy them unless you are absolutely positive of her size in that item. Make sure you choose items that match her style from the classy end. Lingerie is a big no-no and a waste of money. Another winner is artwork. A nice poster of a famous painting she admires in a nice frame is a sure winner (lots of extra points for knowing the art she admires). I tried this on a couple of girls and they go apeshit over it. I spend $100 and you would think I took them on a shopping spree through Tiffany’s. Other winners… going cool places (massive extra points if the place has symbolic value to her but she rarely goes there, even more points if it is symbolic to the relationship… first date, first kiss, first sex, etc.)… pampering (usually an add on), cooking a special dinner, massage, away for the weekend someplace… and lastly, cards that are symbolic, somehow matching something about her, or something going on in your lives etc. Even better are homemade cards, if you got the skills (or even if you don’t).

Giving Stuff to Women Leads to Unreasonable Behaviour

…the attitude of giving stuff to women is what opens the door to unreasonable behavior and expectations in the first place. It’s a form of brain washing. First, it’s expected that you give the woman a gift (or they’ll leave). Next, it has to be a good (defined by them based on the whim de jour) gift. Lastly, the standard for a “good” gift is made unreasonable. Not only is the standard of “good” gift set by her but she won’t tell you what it is and will judge you negatively if you get it wrong, or even ask her about it.

This is best handled by saying, well, what makes you think you are entitled to a gift AT ALL? I will decide if, and under what circumstances you get a gift and that gift’s nature. And, I could care less if you judge me negatively for it (very important). If you choose to leave over that, I WILL LET YOU GO (even more important).

Wrong attitude on men’s part opens the door wide to unreasonable behavior, judgement and expectations on women’s part.

If it was me, and the woman hinted that my gift sucked, I wouldn’t be trying to get better gifts by asking her what a good gift is. I’d be considering dumping her. Why? Because, there is no fixable problem here. The relationship is taking an inexorable path down the shitter BY HER CHOICE. Not mine. She has become presumptuous and greedy, not that I have become a lame gift giver.

You see, the big lie here is that the problem is what the man is doing or even the problem is something the man and the woman are doing together. If that was true, you simply fix the problem and live happily ever after. It just doesn’t work that way. No matter what you do, with her or by yourself, things will get worse and worse. The real problem is with her. She CHOOSES to be this way, so you have no power over her free will, other than to leave. Or better yet, say no to her, and do whatever the hell you were going to do anyway, until she chooses to leave.

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